Oh Comely

I’m frustrated with myself. I do stupid, dangerous things that I know aren't sane or healthy, but each time I do them, I feel proud of myself-- I’m in control; I did it. And I smile. But then I feel guilty and weird and gross over it. I can’t discuss it with anyone; I don’t want to be that person, the one who needs rescuing.. not just because I don’t want to be a burden, but because I genuinely like the peril I’m in. I’m on fire and I finally feel warm now.